5 Common Obstacles and their Solutions for Achieving Goals

Most people experience feeling stuck in life at some point. This can lead to feeling down or anxious as we try to navigate our way forward. There is a lot of information out there about depression and anxiety and how it impacts our quality of life. Both states of being cause a person to refrain from engaging in their life. Both cause us to stay put and spin our wheels in apathy or worry. Let’s look at five manifestations of this common form of "stuckness" and some ways to try to resolve them.

Too Much Information Seeking

One drive when feeling stuck is the felt need for information about the problem. This can easily become too much information seeking. There is a difference between researching to be well-informed in order to make a decision, and having information overload paralysis. When we continue to endlessly seek information, two things could be taking place; one, we could be avoiding a decision and subsequent action, and/or two, we could be chasing the ever elusive never to be found “right answer.” The problem with too much information is that it subtly erodes our confidence in ourselves to do our best with what we have. If you find that you tend to want to “really cover your bases” and ask everyone you know and do deep dives into subreddits, here is some practical advice: 1. Before starting the decision making process, place concrete limits on the time you’ll devote to this problem, the number of websites you will visit in your research, the number of pages at each website you will look at and 2. Journal about the worst case scenarios if you make a wrong decision (and don’t let your brain give you reassurance or use logic or evidence against these horrid outcomes.) This allows your brain to face the fear of failure imaginally, so that that fear doesn’t drive you to overthink the problem and be paralyzed. Make a concrete end date to the data gathering stage when you will make your decision. Stick to the limits that you put on yourself, don’t be afraid and do the best you can but make that decision and move on!

Understanding the Secondary Gain of Not Changing

Going for something new in life inherently involves change and risk. Change is hard for everyone. Almost everything in ourselves and our brains will resist it. However, change is necessary and almost always towards better. If you think that you might be avoiding reaching for goals or dreams because you are comfortable where you are at but you don’t want to feel stuck then it might be time to have a talk with yourself. Find a notebook or some paper (writing it out works better than typing) and answer these questions:

How did my family handle change while I was growing up.

How have I handled change?

When have there been times when change was for the worse?

When have there been times when change was for the better?

Once you have investigated your own feelings about change and hopefully seen that even when change is hard, you have managed it and brought about stability again, you can decide whether or not you want to do the work that would require changing what needs to be changed to go for your goal.

Aversion to Uncertainty

Most of us would like to be able to adequately predict the future and plan for potential harm or crises. We don’t like not knowing. We like to fool ourselves into thinking that if we prepare enough or have multiple contingency plans, that we can almost guarantee an outcome. But, if we are honest with ourselves we do know that the future is unknown and that there are no guarantees in life. Much of what we use to build our lives can depend on luck, circumstances and seizing opportunities. Fortunately, most days are just days and even have good parts to them, but it doesn’t mean that tragedy can’t strike. However, if we spend too much time planning for all the myriad of potential problems, we have much less energy to actually live our lives in the present. How can we increase our ability to be present and not need to know the future? Ultimately, this comes from increasing our confidence in ourselves and our ability to manage problems. Take some time to journal about the times that you are proud of your ability to meet a challenge and find solutions that worked to overcome it. Foster an awareness of how many things we handle and solve on the daily to grow your confidence that even if life throws you a curveball, you will meet that challenge. It seems a silly thing to say, but remember that the person, namely YOU, are with you your whole life and you will meet whatever comes your way, you don’t need any guarantees!

Imposter Syndrome and the Lies We Tell Ourselves

This can be one of the most paralyzing features of our inner life. Everyone naturally feels that those around them are more together and accomplished and happy than they are. This is because we can’t see the internal struggles and insecurities that all humans face. At the end of the day, humans are all the same. We all wonder about ourselves in relation to the world outside of ourselves. There is another truth as well, because we all have similar struggles, we are all mostly wrapped up in our own lives. We are not looking at others closely, and no one is looking at us either! This can be freeing when we realize that no one really is watching us fail or succeed. We are most invested in our own success and accomplishments. Our inner life, however, is a place where we can be brutally honest with ourselves so that we don’t inadvertently set ourselves up to be disappointed. It is never too late to be truthful with yourself about your gifts and talents and shortcomings when you are going after your goals and desires. Mostly, though, be your own best cheerleader, let yourself off the hook when you disappoint yourself and believe you can reach the goals you intended.

Our Friends and Family

This can be the trickiest obstacle because of our obligations both real and perceived. This is the part of our life where our tendency to be a little codependent or enmeshed can really hold us back from achieving the things we want. This work requires the most honesty that we can have with ourselves. Everyone will have their own values when it comes to obligations to family and friends. Whatever these values are, they do not include trying to fix other people or solve their problems. We can listen and also give solicited advice, but we ultimately have no power to make others do what we think or want them to do. The phrase to remember is "Care, Don't Carry." When we are so involved in others problems (where we have no actual power to take action) we disapate our emotional energy where it can't bring about change. Each of us has a limited amount of energy physically and emotionally. We must carry our own load, for no one else will and this is where we should put the bulk of our energy. Do not feel guilty for focusing on your life. If you find that you err in the other way and are struggling with connecting with family and friends, then the onus in on you to reach out and try to connect remembering that all we can ever do is ask and offer an invitation, we cannot force relationship. But overall, don't let others be an excuse we give ourselves for not pursuing our dreams.